What Men Want

What Do Men Really Want?

The subject of what men and women really want from each other is brought to my attention in emails, phone calls, and client visits every day.  Here is my personal take from observations, dialogue, recent research, web blogs, and other relationship experts.

What are most men looking for?  Generically speaking men want:

To Fall in Love

They may be prone to crane their neck at every pretty girl who walks by, but basically, guys want someone they can be crazy, madly, deeply in love with— and they want someone who feels the same way about them.  They may take a little longer to commit to a relationship because when there’s a breakup, it takes them longer to get over it.

To Have a Home

Guys do not want to be alone.  They aren’t “wired” to be the “nesty” nurturing heartbeat of the home.  They can do it, but they can never create it the way a woman can.  They want to be part of a home and family and they want to belong somewhere.  Women are much better at making a home for themselves than men are.  When a man has a broken heart, he goes to another woman.  When a woman has one, she usually goes to her girlfriends.

To Be With Someone Who is Attractive

Many women believe that all men want only a young slim woman who looks like a college girl.  Not true.  Yes, they want to be with someone who is physically appealing, but what they really want is someone who takes care of herself, has some pride in her appearance, shows some style and taste in her clothes, makeup, and hair, and spends a little time making herself look as good as she can.  What he doesn’t want is someone who is so self-absorbed in herself, obsessed on her looks, and shallow in her outlook, she has no time or depth to notice him.

To Be With Someone With a Great Attitude

Men do not want to be with someone who is angry, yelling, and acting out.  They do not want a woman with a cold, edgy, or negative attitude.  To try and combat that kind of energy is exhausting.  They want to be with someone who is not a doormat, but who chooses to see more of the good in them than the bad.

To Be Surrounded By a Feminine Presence

Men love feminine women.  They love women who smell good, wear soft textures, and respond warmly to children and animals.  That may sound like a cliché but it holds true, over and over.  They notice how she decorates her home, the ties she maintains, and the quality of her friendships.  Men need and want to be nurtured, and generally speaking, the only place they can find that is with a woman.  If she plumps his pillows, gives him a back rub, and occasionally cooks his favorite meal—all things being equal—he’s hooked.

Someone They Can Trust

Men are also sentimental creatures.  They desperately want to trust the person they give their heart to.  When a man has had his trust broken, it may take him a long time to make another true and deep commitment.  He may think he doesn’t trust women in general.  The truth is: he just doesn’t trust himself to make a good choice.

Kindness and Support

These are the qualities that you will find in lasting relationships.  Men need to hear five positive statements to every negative one from a woman.  Men so badly need to hear that they are appreciated and “seen” for their good characteristics, they can easily fall prey to women who will use those tactics to entrap them.  Women who are naturally good at affirming people, making them feel welcome, and who have gracious listening skills are the women men seek.  If men sense any hint of a potential critic living within her, he will bolt.

A Sense of Humor

Women who have charm, wit, and a deeply developed sense of humor are irresistible.  Being able to find the funny bone in all situations and intersect at the same point of the “get it” is a richness that men crave.  Being with a woman that they can share laughter with makes men feel fearless.

Of course men want physical intinacy – but deeper than that – they want someone with a healthy, happy attitude about sex.  Combine that with the above and what do you have?  Men in love.  What men really want—is to be in love.

About the Author

About Tonja Weimer: Published Author: 8 Books, her latest book, Thriving After Divorce, is on shelves now.  Her books have won over 25 awards.· Columnist: Weekly syndicated singles and dating columnist (over four million readers in the U.S. and Canada) · Media: Coverage on TV, including CNN’s ShowBiz Today; rave reviews in USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, Publisher’s Weekly · Author: NBC/USA TV Network, selected author for articles on dating and singles for website · Articles: In House Beautiful, New Woman, GRAND, and other national magazines · Coach: Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach; Associate Certified Life Coach; International Coach Federation; Relationship Coaching Institute; Institute for Life Coach Training · Keynote Speaker: Regional, National and International conferences in U.S., India and Europe · Academic: BA; MA in Human Development; U.S. Dept of Mental Health full fellowship
Visit Tonja’s website for more exciting dating tips! www.tonjaweimer.com

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